Scrolnir #4
“You can wield your power now. Hold it. When you have the confidence that this is really your power, then it won’t break. You’re here.”
On November 13, 2021, I had a dream where I discovered an invincible warhammer named scrolnir.
These are the actual notes I wrote in the morning, to record that dream…
I found four pieces of a large warhammer (like Thor’s hammer, mjolnir). This hammer is called ‘scrolnir.’ The pieces are look like they’re made of glass or ice - clear, transparent, jigsaw pieces that fit together. They have little colourful bobbles inside them, floating blobs of colour (kind of like frozen fruit, different sized coloured, beads, or bubbles) and threads (like liquid swirling strings). It looks kind of like actual blown glass art, but not exactly – this is like there are actual things inside the glass pieces.
I put the pieces together and they magically fuse. This hammer is invincible. It has unlimited power. But as I pick it up, the handle breaks off in my hand. It’s broken, the moment I pick it up.
I then have to go and find the pieces again to make a new one, or recreate it.
This is a quest, but there are no details of the actual quest in my dream. I blur through finding the pieces, and then I’m back at the point of putting them together. I put the pieces together again and when I pick it up the handle breaks off again. This is frustrating, and depressing, but in the dream it occurs to me what’s going on. I realize within the dream that the idea here is that I have an invincible tool, but I can’t wield it.
A drawing I made of scrolnir, assembled and ready to rock.
This was close to five years ago, and it was near the beginning of a musical journey I was embarking upon. Making music has always been a big part of my life and identity, but in my 20s and 30s I fell away from it, for various reasons. I was trying to do other things, things I imagined were more sensible, responsible, ‘necessary.’ I was trying to find my identity, happiness, and power in other pursuits. It was a mistake. I was not finding my power in those other things. Those other things sucked the power out of me. And when I came back to music, it was a spark. I found a renewed passion which I felt I had lost entirely from my life. But it was also struggle to shift my understanding of myself, my priorities, and start identifying as a musician. That is, it was hard to come back to wielding my power. I had to break through barriers I had put up around myself to avoid myself.
All that other stuff was really just a way to avoid wielding my real power. The dream about scrolnir was a representation of this - a message from myself to myself. I find it especially interesting that scrolnir appears so fragile. A warhammer made of icy glass is a ridiculous thing. It’s the fragility that feels like a central point in the symbolism. When I approach it like its fragile, then it is. But with the confidence, it becomes invincible. It’s not actually about the hammer. The magic is in the attitude.
Dreams are little letters to ourselves.
As I started up the Circul & Eas music project, I dove into getting good at the technical aspects of music production, and started on a cycle of EPs based on the four seasons. Summer 1 is the completion of that cycle - from Winter, through Autumn, to Spring, and now Summer. And each Season has one piece of Scrolnir in it. I’ve got all four now. Can I wield it?
These Scrolnir songs are supposed to be little letters to myself. And here they are, finally fully delivered:
“You can wield your power now. Hold it. When you have the confidence that this is really your power, then it won’t break. You’re here.”